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Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but I swear, one chick said she’d only hook up if I barked like a dog—fuckin loco, right? Told her, “I’m Tony Montana, I don’t bark, I bite!” Sex-dating’s a trip, mang—half the time you laugh, half the time you wanna shoot somebody. “This is all we need,” Eve says—nah, I need a chica who don’t catfish me with 10-year-old pics. Stay real out there, or Tony’s comin’ for ya—say hello to my little friend!

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After that, I decide to grab some grub. I hit up this little joint on Jangsu-ro. Best tteokbokki in town, no joke. I’m chowing down, and I can’t help but think about how wild today’s been. I mean, who else can say they caught a rat, made a kid’s day, and ate the best spicy rice cakes all in one go?

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